I'm back finally! This past month has been really challenging for me. I've been trying to get my life back together after the death of my sister. I'm trying to figure out the next step in my career and the most challenging is figuring out my relationships with the people around me. Relationships are really challenging for me on many different levels. My relationship with my parents, friends, best friends, partner etc.... I've been struggling with all of them. I think it comes down to 3 things. 1. Space 2. Time and 3. Effort. I've been giving this sermon the past few weeks to different folks and I wonder why I haven't listened to it myself. My theory is that any relationship that you currently have can be different in another space, time and the amount of effort someone has given in relation to the first two. I'm in a completely different space than I was 2-3 months ago. A lot has changed for me and I am beginning to worry about my relationships. I'm struggling with who I want to keep in my life and figuring out what purpose everyone has in my life. I can name a few people right now in my life that my relationship with them is completely different than it was a year ago. I know this is apart of life but how do you make the decision to move forward.
Moving forward with any decision is a major challenge in my life. One of my main challenges is procrastinating on making decisions or moving forward with actions that I said I would do. If I could conquer my MAJOR fear of accomplishing things, I would be in a much better place than I am right now.
This morning, I found out another family member of mine has died. Another young person in a tragic accident. He was 18 years old (the same age as my youngest brothers,) and getting ready for prom. He was a very cute, smart, funny, sharp young men. I imagined him as an adult and what kind of person he would have been. There is so much more to this story that is interesting and scary to even think about but I now truly believe that God calls people to be with him whenever and however he likes. His death will most likely be a closure for several people in his past. I truly believe God called him to be with his friend who died last year in the same tragic manner. I feel as though my time on earth will not be as long as I think or thought it would be. I realize that I can't be afraid and plan on making the most of my time here on earth.
I realized today that when I die. It will be really sad and will affect people far and wide. I am going through a phase in my life where I wish I could spend time with everyone that I know. I guess in some ways it's to say a final goodbye to people. There are people that I haven't spent time with in years and miss them dealry. I wish I could reconnect and have an afternoon with every single one of them. It's impossible. No one things about life in these terms and assumes they will always have that chance to reconnect and be with that person again. I have finally learned in life that this is not that case. Unless, all parties involved understand or take the matter as seriously as I do right now.
Well to all those that I love and who have once crossed my path, we might not every be together again on this earth but I do know you have all changed my life in someway or somehow.
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